I Surrender

Ya gotta love the mystery of life. I had been feeling completely thwarted in my efforts to fulfill some of my 2008 learning goals (see older posts). It seemed the universe kept saying NO to my carefully thought-out YESES and I was frustrated and puzzled. In the age of “intention” I thought I was a master. From imagining and feeling, to being proactive, I was in the business of manifesting my dreams, but now failing miserably. Feeling completely lost and untethered, I finally surrendered.

I gave myself permission to feel aimless, and as I deepened in to my liminal state, I began to trust the process. I started to see that my day-to-day life, all that was right in front of me, was my learning curriculum. And like a ray of sunshine blazing through the fog, it became clear that I was working on the second of my questions for 2008: How do we become more open, honest, and transparent with others? How do we trust and deal with our vulnerabilities so we can live, love, and work together effectively in community?

Of course, this is not how I imagined grappling with the questions. I saw teachers and circles, rituals and art; I pictured brainstorming skill sets and group processes. Silly me. It hasn’t been anything like that (yet). Instead, the terra firma or learning how to live with others in community has simply been by living my everyday life consciously.

I've learned that I need to cultivate the practice of being alone together if I am to thrive in community. I've learned how to witness another person's darkness without feeling burdened; how to be helpful and compassionate while maintaining healthy boundaries. My best tools turned out to be rigorous honesty and communication, and a willingness to look at my part.

And beyond all of the learning about community, there is the lesson of I surrender; the ability to let life unfold on life’s terms, and allowing my intentions to mingle with the deeper unconscious stirrings of my psyche.